The sunrise this morning kind of signifies that today I'm gonna make changes: diet, emotional, good changes. The diet part is meh so far... I didn't eat breakfast because I was running late and I didn't realize that I only have 24 bucks in my bank account. Great. And I forgot to pack my lunch. So this 8 am to 7 pm shift will suck. But I'm going walking tonight so at least that's a step in the right direction. I also weighed myself last night for the first time in forever. Scales scare me. Honestly, I thought I was pushing 275. I'm at 221.5. Still makes me cringe, but my goals don't seem as unattainable now. I'd like to be under 200 by the end of October. Even if it's 199.9. I'd like to be down to 175 by valentines day. I'd like to be 150 a year from now. Here's the problem: if I don't see results in a timely fashion I freak out and eat. I'm praying on my chubby little hands and knees that I don't do that.
Why the end of October? Rendezvous the President. As of now, we have plans, but I'm almost confident he will have to work. Here is why I'm pessimistic about it: because I know my level of interest in him is way higher than his in me. I think that's why I'm so interested in him. Because I'm not getting the level of attention that I desire. And the sex is amazeballs. He's not even my general type. I usually like scruffy, dark haired, light eyes, tattooed kind of guys. He isn't. But like I said, I really think I'm attached to this guy because he's not paying attention to me.
I have other guys that are all up in my butthole. Two of them are exes (bad news). And I am interested in a couple of others, but not like the President. Because all of these other guys text me coooonstaaaaantlyyyy. And I'm lucky if I get one text from the prez. And it's not even that I want live happily ever after and ride of into the sunset with him... I just want someone a little more emotionally involved. I want more attention, especially from someone who's in the same place as me career wise. Because Justin has lacked in all of those areas for some time now. He's a great dad... And he used to be a great husband. But not so much anymore. He checked out a long time ago. I guess I'll see come October.
Really all I want right now is a cheeseburger. Or food in general. Back to saving animals lives. Mmm roasted cat?
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